Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
