I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
