And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
sex in a hospital.. check
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
