hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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