We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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