Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You ruined the universe
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
