Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
