oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
