Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
