sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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