they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize