I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
