Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
