I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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