Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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