that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The best revenge is premature balding
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
