I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
