god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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