I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
