I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
