boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
