Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize