I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
