do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
