it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
