I'm really into asian looking animals
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
