Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
