She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize