a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
