can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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