We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
