I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
