Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
