party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
