You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
