i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
