I wish I could punch you in the face.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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