that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
