and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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