i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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