He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
