My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
