saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
