I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
