..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The power of my boobs compel you
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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