Someone shit on the floor
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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