he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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