best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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