I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
