About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
