Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
