I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
