My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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