his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
