im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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