i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
