My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if only i could text you this smell
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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