I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
