you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
