I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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