I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
