Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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