I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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