I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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