You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize