it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
