I wish my penis had an off switch
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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