just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
