Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
