Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
