the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
