so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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