If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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