i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
that's an acceptable place to lick
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
