my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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