You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
