mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
