She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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