HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
