That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That accounts for only three of the penises
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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