She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
did i walk over a car last night?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
