Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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