happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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