i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
