I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
