If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
as a side note pls kill me
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
