I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
