i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
